Support our Ministry

navigate Your Journey

What stage are you in?

If you’ve ever been to a mall, you’re familiar with the kiosk maps that say, “YOU ARE HERE” In much the same way, the “What Stage Am I In?” navigation tool below is designed as another way to provide you with a better understanding of where you are in your journey and help you experience healing with less stress and anxiety along the way. It’s our hope that with this knowledge, you will recognize your place on the map and be reassured that you are not alone on your journey.

Hallmarks
Point the Way

To get started on your healing journey, a critical step is to evaluate where you currently stand. There is not a calendar or formula that indicates where you are, rather it’s about looking at your grief process in context of the full journey ahead (and behind.) The point of a hallmark is that we can use them to better understand our current frame of mind when compared to how others describe their experiences. 

person look at map in mall

Discover What stage You Are in?

Below are examples of how people who have been through loss characterize themselves in each of the 3 stages.

HALLMARK EMOTIONS & ACTIVITIES

SURVIVE stage

The word “Atomic” describes the chaotic experience of juggling multiple emotions, relationships and life decisions in rapid sequence and sometimes simultaneously. As they intersect and collide, it is often described as a period of being on an emotional roller coaster. Although the atomic nature of the grief journey is prevalent throughout all 3 stages of Survive-Alive-Thrive, it is a standout hallmark in the earliest stage following loss.

Immediately following the loss of a loved one, in the midst of taking care of practical matters that are in and of themselves challenging, you’re also dealing with the fact that your emotions are completely overloaded. It’s understandable and common that people describe their mindset as “overwhelmed”, and that the experience is a clear hallmark of the SURVIVE stage.

Often described as being shellshocked and overwhelmed, the Survive stage is also marked by a sense of bewilderment, absentmindedness and periods of forgetfulness. Many people describe the feeling as though they are working through a deep fog, which can be made thicker and tougher to manage by lack of sleep and emotional fatigue.

ALIVE Stage

As you gain emotional elbow room following loss, many people describe becoming consciously aware of the need to be intentional about engaging in the process of addressing their grief. You may feel very raw emotionally, but have a strong desire to talk to someone about what you’re feeling. That intentional, proactive desire to address our own emotional healing is a clear sign that we’re beginning to exit the Survive stage and have started the journey in the Alive stage.
As we enter the Alive stage, we’re not just focused on what must happen today; instead, we’re able to look a day, a week, or a month down the road and make plans. Too often, when we lose someone, we shut down completely. We can lock everything down and isolate. But attending an appointment or doing a basic chore, even as simple as seeing your dentist for a check-up or shopping for a week’s worth of groceries, is a testament to the fact that you are reengaging your life and is an indicator you’re entering the Alive stage of the grief journey.
The gradual shift out of a reactionary mindset and starting to put some forethought into our lives and activities is a key hallmark of the Alive stage. By committing to be at a certain place at a certain day and time, you are willfully envisioning yourself being there. Though it sounds simple, it’s a huge step as you’re proclaiming to the world through your calendar that you are still alive, that you still exist and are active in this world. This is especially meaningful when it comes to making new social commitments.

THRIVE STAGE

One of the great joys and moments of our journey is experiencing unexpected laughter! It is also one of the most critical indicators that you’ve stepped into the THRIVE stage. Perhaps there was a point not too long ago when you never thought you’d laugh again, but then, unexpectedly, you will catch yourself in surprise moments of levity. You may even feel the person you’ve lost laughing right alongside you. It may feel strange at first—that airy feeling of joy without a corresponding heaviness of loss. That joyous experience is a big flashing sign that says, “Welcome to Thrive! We’re glad you’re here!”

As you experience happiness and joy in the Thrive stage, you are fully reengaged in social activities. You see and talk to friends regularly, stay in touch with your extended family, you may be involved in a church community, and you have people in your life who want to see you (and whom you want to see). This doesn’t mean you’ve suddenly become an extrovert if you weren’t before; it just means you are no longer hiding in your home or actively avoiding the rest of the world. You embrace the fact that you are a valuable person and an important part of your community.

As you move through the Survive-Alive-Thrive stages, you develop a great capacity for serving others. More importantly, you develop a desire to serve and empathy for the pain others are going through. Many have reported that serving in these ways became the most personally fulfilling thing they’ve ever done. There are so many wonderful ways to serve your community, and your experience—as painful as it was—has uniquely equipped you to bless another person in need. That is a tremendous honor and responsibility, and it is one we begin to embrace as we are in the Thrive stage.

construction road block

Notable Challenges & Roadblocks

The point of examining “Notable Challenges” is to explore and understand how they manifest and can change from stage to stage. We can use this insight to understand what we can expect to face as we proceed thru the healing process. When you have this knowledge about your personal journey, we are better prepared to anticipate and navigate through obstacles we are likely to encounter.

Notable Challenges & Triggers

SURVIVE stage

Whenever you lose someone you love there are decisions that require immediate attention. In the Survive stage, if you have input into and/or control of the tasks and steps required to manage your loved ones affairs, decisions will come flying at you hard and fast. You may get inquiries in the first twenty-four hours from different offices and agencies needing exhaustive information from you. You’ll be making decisions on the fly that you’ll remember the rest of your life, and the stress of this challenge is increased by the emotions you are experiencing following your loss.
Planning Memorial Service & Managing Legal Issues:
Immediately following the loss of a loved one, you may now be the point person for planning the memorial service. In the midst of dealing with the raw emotions that are prevalent so close to your loss event, this can be a therapeutic experience or a burdensome task. Unfortunately, the fact is that every death comes with a mountain of legal paperwork, forms, and red tape. It’s understandable and common that people can struggle with these responsibilities which occur by default in the Survive stage.

Immediately following the loss of a loved one, you may now be the point person for planning the memorial service. In the midst of dealing with the raw emotions that are prevalent so close to your loss event, this can be a therapeutic experience or a burdensome task. Unfortunately, the fact is that every death comes with a mountain of legal paperwork, forms, and red tape. It’s understandable and common that people can struggle with these responsibilities which occur by default in the Survive stage.

In the Survive stage it can seem that everyone wants to talk and connect with you when you can be deeply emotional and impacted by the recency of your loss. Most are there to support and encourage you and this is a great blessing in and of itself. That said, many people share that they are not emotionally equipped at this time to have substantive conversations, let alone engage and respond to potentially dozens or more inquiries. The challenges involved with navigating the vast sea of friends and family during this difficult time can be draining as relationships vary dramatically for each of us and through our social circles.

ALIVE Stage

If you work outside the home, at some point in the transition timeframe between the Survive to Alive stages you likely had to go back to work. Very few states have bereavement laws of consequence, and that means we have to likely have to resume our job before we’re mentally prepared to return to the day-to-day grind. The challenge of of re-engaging when your heart is still mending from your loss is a notable challenge at this stage in your journey.

In the Alive stage you may have progressed to the point you can start handling practical matters related to a loved one’s death. For many of us, it can be shocking how much paperwork is involved; Wills, death certificates, probate court, bank accounts, clearing debts, shutting off or changing the names on home utilities, selling property . . . the list goes on and on. It can feel like you’re suddenly dropped in the middle of a crazy combination CPA/MBA/law school exam with no preparation and the highest of stakes. There are also emotional traps that go along with addressing estate issues as families can struggle with estate decisions.These are significant challenges you can encounter in the Alive stage
People who have been through a big loss know what it means when referring to “the look.” It can seem that every time you run into someone you haven’t seen in a while, they tilt their head, flash a little frown, and, as if talking to a wounded puppy, ask, “So, how are you doing? Are you okay? How are you really?” This is particularly noticeable in the Alive stage as you are re-engaging your daily life and social interactions become more frequent. Many people share that no matter how good a day they were having before encountering “the Look”, this interaction can drag you right back into your grief.

THRIVE STAGE

Every life is made up of a handful of “benchmark dates,” or occasions that are uniquely special for a person or family. These are dates such as birthdays and wedding anniversaries, and include significant holidays such as Thanksgiving and Christmas. And of course, there are the less celebratory benchmark days, such as the anniversary of someone’s death or the anniversary of an agonizing medical diagnosis. Even as we are living a joy-filled life in the Thrive stage of our journey, these dates will always be on our emotional calendar and can remind us of special times and family traditions we shared with loved ones we have lost. It’s important to be intentional about how we approach and honor them even as we are thriving.

In the Thrive stage of our life journey following loss, we can usually see benchmark dates coming. But many people have experienced emotional triggers that can seemingly hit us from out of the blue. These are innocent reminders of our loved one or difficult circumstances that will simply pop up randomly as we go about our lives. Tasks and activities such as buying a car, gardening, sports events and vacation spots are all examples that can bring up emotions related to our loss when we are not expecting or prepared for the response. We simply do not know what surprises each day holds. What we do know, however, is that these surprises pack an emotional punch we may not be ready for, no matter how far into Thrive we are.

Even when you are years into Thrive, the wolf is still at the door. Our journey through life and a broken world means we will all continue to encounter new setbacks and losses—even new tragedies—as we progress throughout the healing journey. While the Survive-Alive-Thrive model and healing journey provides support along the way, the bottom line is that the hits from life may keep on coming, no matter who you are or where you are in journey. In fact, it’s not uncommon to be in the Thrive stage after one loss only to be thrown back into Survive after another. It’s not a thought to dwell or focus on, but it’s a basic fact of life. All the better to embrace your blessings every day when you are experiencing a joy-filled life

These examples are provided from the book “Survive-Alive-Thrive”. If you are interested in learning more about the Survive-Alive-Thrive navigation process we encourage you to Read Survive-Alive-Thrive book, visit the resource center, and join a FREE Grief Support group.

order the book
resource center
join a grief group

© 2025 All Rights Reserved Greater Than That ®